Loving memories of Isabelle Tan

This may be sort of abrupt, but I just thought it would be the best way to pen down my thoughts.

Isabelle Tan, a friend of mine, has passed on due to brain cancer. I don't know how I should describe this feeling, I never thought I would be this affected. Great classmates in the last 2 years of my primary school life, if I'm not wrong primary 3 too, and school mates for about 8 years. Though I was not very close to her, she's a great girl, I don't think she has had enemies. She's just like what others said: "Close to perfect".

Prefect for every single year that anyone can be, she carried out her responsibilities. We didn't even meet for the last couple of years, since she's left for SJI International. It's a pity that she's left us at this early age. We were once close, I wish we held on to that bond. This incident has made me realised that I have changed, to be overly emotional when I'm stressed. If I didn't screw up friendship with other classmates in my graduating year in primary school, the bond between us probably would have been stronger. In any way, we still said hi and smile when we walked past each other in secondary school. It's a pity to have let the bond weaken.

Went for her wake yesterday evening with Qian Yi and met some others there. In a way her sufferings ended and we should feel happy for her that she won't have to suffer any longer. On the other hand, it's really tough to have to face a friend leaving at this age... and it's tough on her family for losing her at this young age too. I have come to realise that I keep thinking of her. Online sites will have a glimpse of her news. For no apparent reason, I have browsed  her Facebook page for a couple of times today. In my memory, she's all smiles.

Isabelle, although we have not been close for the last couple of years, the memories that we spent together will never be forgotten. At this point, I wish I was there to support you during your rough journey. You were strong and brave, it was not easy. Your departure has led you to a better place without suffering. Have a smooth journey ahead. Rest In Peace. ♥

we r actors and actresses

Sometimes I just think to myself: I don't even need to act, it has become something natural.

I always have a front side of me, acting all happy and that I'm living well. All I can say is, as each day passes, it gets worse. I don't know how to face people anymore, just caught  up with my own emotions. Why am I so emotional? I don't even fking know. I need to stand strong, maybe I've stood long enough that it's time to crumble. Feel so helpless... but when I head out, everything seems normal. It's a good thing that I can forget all these shit for at least that period of time. Makes myself feel so fake, I'm not even really feeling happy.

眼前只是一片黑暗。Okay, so things happened. Hard to say, hard to explain. It's just a messy shit that we've been facing, not 1-2 years but close to 5 years now. Who endures for such a shit long time?? On top of that, other things.... can say it's a whole lifetime. I can bet no one experiences the same shit, these happen, but not the same way as I experience it. If any others experience the same shit I'm going through, sorry then. But I totally feel you cos I'm facing this shit too. Bro had enough. I have the same thoughts too actually, but where am I headed towards? I myself don't know. These kind of things are hard to bring up, you've gone too far and you have no clue. Thinking a lot... 有些事没那么简单。

Release of A level results

Okay, so thoughts has been running through my mind I don't know why. Tmr is the release of A level results. Come to think of it, if I studied hard in J1, I would be getting my results tmr. Then again, why didn't I retain? Sometimes I do regret not retaining, as though it's the wrong decision. Poly, hmm it isn't that bad.. but I don't know what to say. Good and bad on both sides. Maybe I have some kind of attachment with PJ, that it feels weird and kinda sad that I didn't graduate/won't be graduating from there. I don't know where did that attachment come from, but then... it's not the first time I'm having regrets not retaining. Not that I can't study or something... I mean my grades were not that bad in the beginning, till I started playing more than I studied. So why did I make that choice of going to poly? I don't know. 2 people told me not to, my bro and another friend. But then, probably blinded. It's really kind of a mixed feeling feel now that I'm experiencing. Maybe cos I haven't had my fair share in PJ, orientation and so on. GAHHH! Poly is cool too man! Sometimes I don't even know what I want... I'm really confused. Oh well, I shall make the best out of what poly can give me.

GOOD LUCK TO ALL MY FRIENDS TAKING THEIR A LEVEL RESULTS TMR! ^.^

end of yr 1!!

So... today marks the end of poly year 1, theoretically. But... I transferred course so I still have to take some year 1 modules next sem! Don't know how it'll be like, but it just makes my poly life seem longer. I chose the route, so I can't blame anyone but myself. Well, this sem's been okay, slack way too much! I don't even have the confidence in obtaining a reasonable grade for myself.. Just disappointed in myself! I need more self discipline next sem. Feel the stress~

I screwed up almost all, or rather all my papers.. demoralizing. Can only hope for it to turn out better than I think it would.

Now, it's end of exams so play first, think later :P

Nothing much to blog about, I added new items into my blogshop! If anyone is even reading this, go take a look and support pls! (:
See the links at the right column? Magna Deals! :D

Shall go watch HIMYM. Bye bye!

 Oh yes! I'm in love with this white blazer!!! Any kind souls? (;

thoughts

It's been a month and 2 days since I last blogged. Just have some random thoughts and the feel to blog. Shouldn't be blogging at this time with my macro econs paper at 9am later, but well when the feel comes just blog!

I was just thinking, and I realised sometimes I let my emotions get the better of me. All those stress that I've been getting more than usual these days. Sometimes people come and ask me, "How have you been? / How are you?" And my reply is no more than "I'm okay I guess"... the "i guess" is always there, I didn't think removing it was a good reflection of how I've been. I've never faced something like this before, sometimes I just don't know what to do / what I should do. Afterall, there's nothing much I can do at this point in time, and it really sucks to feel / be that way. Some things are not meant to be told, afterwhich things may just get worse, I mean who knows right?

People need to wake to their senses, but if it really takes absolutely long for one to do so, the people around just suffers. Sometimes, we can only suffer in silence. Everyone has their own piece of problem, it's not nice to add on. It only gets worse when I'm studying for my exams and I've to face those problems that has always existed, but at times I choose to ignore. If I don't, I'm just not letting myself live the way I should.

It's tough experiencing all these problems, but I believe when all these tides over (no idea when), I'll come out a stronger person. Just hope that I don't fall even before I can tide these over. Some say "I care" but they just do the opposite. How is "I care" even valid if the other party doesn't feel so?

Just so you know: You haven't been really nice and I no longer know how to face you.

Sometimes I realise, at the mention of you, my mood changes. Not for the better, but for the worse. That's not a very good thing.

Okay I should get back to studying...

坚持不容易，但要坚强。。。

gloriaaaa

Freaking sleepy! Body clock kinda screwed? Didn't feel sleepy till 2plus this morning O.o

PLUS i woke up at 7plus cos my mum was trying to wake up younger bro up... argh... finally woke up at 9plus and I prob got to last till 11plus 12 midnight later.

Meeting Gloria and Nicola later at 5.30pm! Don't know if Qian Yi is going or not... Sin Hwee busy w dance ): Rawr. Hope it's gonna be a good catch up!

After dinner w sec school friends gonna meet KK, Yi Ting etc for drinks. Oh yeah!

I NEEDA LOSE WEIGHT, FKING FAT CAN JUST GET ANNOYED WHEN I SEE MAI ANNOYING FATS ): No CNY goodies! Actually, till now, I only had a SMALL slice of ba kwa and like pineapple tarts that Elvin's mum made for us! <3 awesome and nice (Y)

vice cap!

Yay! Kinda (very) happy yesterday, at the same time didn't know how I should feel. Gonna be the vice-captain of netball recre! Marisa gonna be captain (:

At the same time, injured my finger (YES AGAIN) during training. Same situation as the other finger that got injured in June (which has yet to be fully recovered). So now, blue-black finger. Okay, pain.

Having MAEC tutorial now, totally not listening. Just copying answers... dk how I'm gonna pull up the C grade to an A or B. Sigh much! Samantha just showed me a picture of a woman holding alcohol, say it's me "mother with child" T.T so NOT lor! ):

Gonna go for flea at Tanjong Pagar with bao bei Yi Ting later (: and maybe go zouk get free goodie bag *cheapskate* lol! whatever lah!

Okay luh, shall end here... I'm supposed to be reading some article. Lol tadas!

GPA 3.8 and above pls

Okays, I'm kinda upset over CT results though it's been over since last week? Really bad, demoralizing. CTs over now aim final papers. Really can't screw them up this time round. Super impt. Shall start studying? Sian I hope got feel. All the holiday seasons etc, not helping. So... played wii fit for an hour yesterday, not that much of a determination today, only played for 15min. HAHA! thanks to my younger bro for disturbing also >:( I NEEDA LOSE WEIGHT! ):

Sometimes I'm really glad I have stm for some things, then I won't have to think about all these troubles everyday. Although they still come back to me from time to time. These problems haven't gone, yet to be solved, don't know when they will be solved. Let's hope, soon.

school's a bitch

Went SP and NP open house today with Yi Ting, Sherman and Qin Xian to "steal" goodie bags #cheapskate HAHA! Got the SP goodie bag! Decided not to get the NP one, nothing much in it anyways and the bag was like the save the earth bag =X

Then QX got to rush off for chingay... and we walked past my hse, then this Yi Ting went crazy idk why. She always is anyway :/

Okays, so POA was the same result and macro econs just sucked balls. 2 As 1 C as good as all Bs, how to get a damn 3.0 GPA let alone maintain 3.8. Got the first damned C in my poly life thanks to macro econs, if it was a B still okay. yeah thanks to myself who changed the correct answer to the wrong one (3 marks gone, the 3 freaking marks i needed). but then again, it's not my final grade so... I shall not let it happen #likeanerd

Celebrated Sherman and Jaren's b'dae by going for steamboat dinner. No present for u guys, PS! yeah and went drinking again. Yi Ting high max can! *keep your hands to yourself luh!* LOL

I think i'm still in holiday mood, didn't do any work/tutorial this week. how nice. I think i'm gonna flunk my final exams. fk man. i need study mode back pls

okay headache, don't know what else to blog about #boringlife

BYE!

2012

So.. I ended 2011 on a relatively good note. Got high and slightly drunk? LOL!

Okay nvm, I don't intend to be drunk again cos HANGOVER SUCKS TO THE MAX!

Got back NSS paper today! 80/100. Just met the A mark.. Whatever it is, it is an A! So wheeee! Friday getting the other 2. Hope they'll be good but MAEC uh :/ shall not think about it (:

HUNGRY NOW but I think I should sleep :O 8am S&W idiot sia. So tired T.T

Only thing I ate today was chicken rice. Gonna die from hunger... Hungry but I shall sleep.

Ok bye!

end of 2011

Thought I could end 2011 on a better note, although it may still be bad. But guess not, alr annoyed now. Argh thanks a lot

Year end holiday!

Hellos! Been really long since I posted. A lot of things have been happening... but oh wells. I've to face it anyway. Found a new bunch of friends, really fun to be with (: Thanks Kay Fun!

Had a great holiday, only touched a bit of project work today... for like less than an hour. Did not touch any other projects/school work. Bad but it's holidays! Yeah shall chiong (i think i would) when school starts then. Yupp school's starting in 4 days? Sucks but yeah if I get satisfying results It'll be good ^.^ I hope I get satisfying results... really don't know but exam wasn't that bad so I'm hoping! except for Macro econs :/ really bad... it sucks to face the paper and can't even think of crap to write! ): It's over, results coming back... it's just good to know there's no school on monday = no DSS to screw my beginning of the year!

DSS tutor really sucks?! Anyhow grade one. How is the formula irrelevant if we can still get the freaking answer? Hello it's PBL not you judging what formulas to use. We use what formulas we want and if the answer is correct what have you to say! Annoying shits. Don't mark me down just cos I keep arguing with you and you lost! okay lecturers work this way but this is not those kind of projects you can anyhow mark down. Grade lower than some other group who has WRONG formulas? C'mon I'm not THAT dumb thanks.

Okay whatever just venting for fun.

Oh yes! Went for Elvin's gathering on 18th Dec. Shall post about it another time, but those who go to xinmsn.com i think you guys would've seen a report on it.

Hehe. Shall go have my dinner! Tata!

school

Oh yeah did I mention I have transferred course from IT to BIT? People here are real fun and crazy! Awesome-ness. BUT obviously I won't forget my friends in ICT as well (: I still meet up with them from time to time!

Kays so halloween week I went to play dodgeball on sat, had real good fun with Kay Fun and a bunch of new found friends (: Sunday was awesome! Went USS halloween night though there's school on mon (ahh whatever) LOL! Haunted houses, ROLLER COASTER RIDES WAS A BLAST! didn't really think I'd overcome the fear since it's been really long since I had fun with these kinda things. Yeaps yeaps luckily my sis managed to grab hold of express passes = we get to sit both the roller coasters :D the scare zones were really cool! The ghost make ups looked REAL (:


Last weekend was awesome yet not awesome. Awesome because I bought new clothes! and not awesome because I spent a bomb ): *kaching kaching* I need a job. Any kids looking for tutors? I'm really willing to give tuition $_$
Anyways! my blogshop has been quite dead, thinking of how to promote and stuffs but wait till I get more goods! Will have a Christmas sale I guess! :D Yayay I really hope it'll turn out well ^.^

SO.... a pic of me in blazer when I was in PJC (:
Look so professional right!?! HAHA :P

Really miss those times I spent with council mates....

haircut!

Time for some pictures in this blog. haha! I got my haircut not too long ago (: