Loving memories of Isabelle Tan

This may be sort of abrupt, but I just thought it would be the best way to pen down my thoughts.

Isabelle Tan, a friend of mine, has passed on due to brain cancer. I don't know how I should describe this feeling, I never thought I would be this affected. Great classmates in the last 2 years of my primary school life, if I'm not wrong primary 3 too, and school mates for about 8 years. Though I was not very close to her, she's a great girl, I don't think she has had enemies. She's just like what others said: "Close to perfect".

Prefect for every single year that anyone can be, she carried out her responsibilities. We didn't even meet for the last couple of years, since she's left for SJI International. It's a pity that she's left us at this early age. We were once close, I wish we held on to that bond. This incident has made me realised that I have changed, to be overly emotional when I'm stressed. If I didn't screw up friendship with other classmates in my graduating year in primary school, the bond between us probably would have been stronger. In any way, we still said hi and smile when we walked past each other in secondary school. It's a pity to have let the bond weaken.

Went for her wake yesterday evening with Qian Yi and met some others there. In a way her sufferings ended and we should feel happy for her that she won't have to suffer any longer. On the other hand, it's really tough to have to face a friend leaving at this age... and it's tough on her family for losing her at this young age too. I have come to realise that I keep thinking of her. Online sites will have a glimpse of her news. For no apparent reason, I have browsed  her Facebook page for a couple of times today. In my memory, she's all smiles.

Isabelle, although we have not been close for the last couple of years, the memories that we spent together will never be forgotten. At this point, I wish I was there to support you during your rough journey. You were strong and brave, it was not easy. Your departure has led you to a better place without suffering. Have a smooth journey ahead. Rest In Peace. ♥

we r actors and actresses

Sometimes I just think to myself: I don't even need to act, it has become something natural.

I always have a front side of me, acting all happy and that I'm living well. All I can say is, as each day passes, it gets worse. I don't know how to face people anymore, just caught  up with my own emotions. Why am I so emotional? I don't even fking know. I need to stand strong, maybe I've stood long enough that it's time to crumble. Feel so helpless... but when I head out, everything seems normal. It's a good thing that I can forget all these shit for at least that period of time. Makes myself feel so fake, I'm not even really feeling happy.

眼前只是一片黑暗。Okay, so things happened. Hard to say, hard to explain. It's just a messy shit that we've been facing, not 1-2 years but close to 5 years now. Who endures for such a shit long time?? On top of that, other things.... can say it's a whole lifetime. I can bet no one experiences the same shit, these happen, but not the same way as I experience it. If any others experience the same shit I'm going through, sorry then. But I totally feel you cos I'm facing this shit too. Bro had enough. I have the same thoughts too actually, but where am I headed towards? I myself don't know. These kind of things are hard to bring up, you've gone too far and you have no clue. Thinking a lot... 有些事没那么简单。

Release of A level results

Okay, so thoughts has been running through my mind I don't know why. Tmr is the release of A level results. Come to think of it, if I studied hard in J1, I would be getting my results tmr. Then again, why didn't I retain? Sometimes I do regret not retaining, as though it's the wrong decision. Poly, hmm it isn't that bad.. but I don't know what to say. Good and bad on both sides. Maybe I have some kind of attachment with PJ, that it feels weird and kinda sad that I didn't graduate/won't be graduating from there. I don't know where did that attachment come from, but then... it's not the first time I'm having regrets not retaining. Not that I can't study or something... I mean my grades were not that bad in the beginning, till I started playing more than I studied. So why did I make that choice of going to poly? I don't know. 2 people told me not to, my bro and another friend. But then, probably blinded. It's really kind of a mixed feeling feel now that I'm experiencing. Maybe cos I haven't had my fair share in PJ, orientation and so on. GAHHH! Poly is cool too man! Sometimes I don't even know what I want... I'm really confused. Oh well, I shall make the best out of what poly can give me.

GOOD LUCK TO ALL MY FRIENDS TAKING THEIR A LEVEL RESULTS TMR! ^.^