Aish

I NEED YOU, TO GUIDE MY PATH.

YOUR SAY MEANS ALOT TO ME..

WHATEVER HAPPENS,

I ALWAYS THINK OF YOU.

YES, YOU.

i'm feeling so lost i don't even have a clear view of my own feelings on the inner side. this is really bad, something affected my mood and i don't know what did. haiz.. why was it after that i feel so bad? i really wish i could do something, i'm loving emo songs more and more.. i don't know, they just seem to fit into my life. is that what i want? i don't know.. i need more light shining towards my days ahead, i need to see clearly what's ahead of me. i don't wish to go on like that. i'm missing people, many people. i'm missing alot of things.. many, many things. i'm not working towards my aims.. what's with me? sigh. i feel so stressed suddenly, i feel like breaking down, right now. but i can't. wish i could cry my heart out.. but i can't. i wouldn't want to be seen this way. i need to get things right, i need to know myself. maybe a mirror would help me see myself clearly? :/ I DON'T KNOW :(

anw, went to IMM to meet and chat with Doreen for a while then headed to Jurong Point after that to meet Ming Hui to pass him his dvd. yeap, 想你的時候 had promo at Jurong Point. Joshua, Peifen and Chiong Fang jie was there. hmm.. Dasmond didn't go cos he had filming. ya.. Dad's fren filmed this show, so was standing nxt to him.. then suddenly Joshua appeared behind me :O man he looked 10X better than in the show :)

reached home, realised my sis liked Dai Yantian too.. she's going gaga over him =.= he's kinda good looking i admit, but he's not one of the best inside like my sis said O_o she's blind :P

i'm looking forward to Elvin's gathering, but no personal camera is allowed = no candid shots. well, haven't seen him in a long time.. looking forward to a fun gathering. Hope my mood gets better...

I miss _____ and _____.

will you let me pour my grieves to you?

overslept :/

OVERSLEPT? :/

omg i swear it's so :/ i slept at 5am this morning right.. and add on i was having cold, then norm when i'm sick i'll wake up later than usual. so... i woke up at 3.30pm today! O_o i was late for tuition alr, so then i msged mr lim if i could go on sunday instead.. but he said it wasn't nice to change lesson last min so i went for tuition in the end. yupp! i'm fine with whatever luh.. if he's ok we're just going to end l8r :/ I feel kinda bad, cos it's like my second time late for tuition.. i was late ytd cos i was doing his work. HAHA! Oops!
anw, i've nothing else to post! bye!

long day

FEELING LOST? MIXED FEELINGS? UNHAPPY,

BUT DON'T KNOW WHY?

haiz.. dunno wtf is this lor. this feelings just suck! i don't know how to describe it but i guess some will know. like Doreen. HAHA! was telling each other we were bored on msn.. then was saying so sian, mixed feelings kind.. and we were both feeling THE SAME WAY. omg :/ the feeling sucks ok. Rah will know too, cos sometimes she experience it as well. sigh. anw, was telling Doreen we should try going out together one day, then she went " I know you want to date me right" HAHA!! yea luh yea luh.. date :P nth wrong what, as friends^^

argh.. hate this feeling ok. my holiday is so screwed, in the sense that i'm starting to worry about my homework! they're NOT TOUCHED :/ i have that whole pile, and i haven't really studied for progressive test. sigh.. this sucks. HOLIDAY? when? i'm having tuition every alternate day now. But i'm kinda ok with it, somehow. I have like Os next yr, what can i do? haiz.. i'm going to make it for Os! i'm going to try my best :)

I need to start on my homework! my schedule is kinda full till after 18th! haha :P

later today [12/12] - tuition

tmr [13/12] - own plans

sun [14/12] - ??

mon [15/12] - tuition

tue [16/12] - own plans

wed [17/12] - tuition

thur [18/12] - GATHERING! :D

mon [22/12] - chinese camp

tue [23/12] - chinese camp

-----------------------------

ok not very full.. tuition occupies most of my time - every alternate day! and it's at katong. HAH so far right.. but he's not bad, so yup :)

anw, i need new songs! like emo ones are a better choice ^^ if have can send me? TY!! :D gtg now, it's freaking 5.43am now. HAHA! and i'm not very sleepy but i HAVE TO sleep cos i have tuition at around 2pm or 2.30pm l8r and i still have abit left of work to do. yeap!

GOOD NIGHT! :)

下一个天亮。。。

下一个天亮？

用起伏的背影 擋住哭泣的心
有些故事 不必說給 每個人聼
許多眼睛 看得太淺太近
錯過我沒被看見 那個自己

用簡單的言語 解開超載的心
有些情緒 是該說給 懂的人聼
你的熱淚 比我激動憐惜
我發誓要更努力更有勇氣

等下一個天亮去上次牽手賞花那裏散步好嗎
有些積雪會自己融化
你的肩膀是我豁達的天堂
等下一個天亮把偷拍我看海的照片送我好嗎
我喜歡我飛舞的頭髮
和漂著雨還是眺望的眼光

用簡單的言語 解開超載的心
有些情緒 是該說給 懂的人聼
你的熱淚 比我激動憐惜
我發誓要更努力更有勇氣

等下一個天亮去上次牽手賞花那裏散步好嗎
有些積雪會自己融化
你的肩膀是我豁達的天堂
等下一個天亮把偷拍我看海的照片送我好嗎
我喜歡我飛舞的頭髮
和漂著雨還是眺望的眼光

時間可以磨去我的稜角
有些堅持卻永遠磨不掉
請容許我 小小的驕傲
因爲有你這樣的依靠

等下一個天亮去上次牽手賞花那裏散步好嗎
有些積雪會自己融化
你的肩膀是我豁達的天堂
等下一個天亮把偷拍我看海的照片送我好嗎
我喜歡我飛舞的頭髮
和漂著雨還是眺望的眼光


正在等着在自己人生里也许不会出现的天亮。。

haiz...

I SERIOUSLY HAVE NOTHING MORE TO SAY.. FREAKING MOODY LUH HUH.. ARGH!! THIS FEELING SUCKS! TOTALLY SUCKS LUH!!!!!! Don't know why, i'm just more pissed off and moody than before :/
If you don't like ppl controlling you then don't control me? =.= i don't like it too :) i'm already very super annoyed so maybe you should consider not talking to me when i don't feel like talking at all? i need peace, seriously need peace.

我恨过着提心吊胆的日子！每当你们一大声讲话，我就会觉得发生了什么事。我需要过这宁静的生活。你们痛苦，我们就不痛苦吗？我讲过了，你们过着大人的生活受苦，我们却牺牲了童年。。那公平吗？同年对将来有很大的影响那你不知道吗？算了，说什么也没用。还能做什么，只能藏着心事，说出来如果听不爽又要受更大的折磨和委屈。十五年来我受够了，我们都受够了。。也许你们不了解，但我觉得我们比你们更痛苦。也许我是错的，我也不知道。人类总是要失去了才懂得珍惜。。等到有一天，真的后悔也来不及了。明天会发生什么事，我们都不知道。。最好是结束痛苦 :)
can i say i've been living in hell? :/

so am i not stressed too?!

Fucking hell.. don't keep saying you're stressed and you guys have suffered for 20yrs. PLEASE, you're fucking going through the adult life as you suffer.. you're making US suffer our childhood. Just end it now luh huh.. what the fuck. It repeats again and again, it'll never end. What's the point?! Are you guys happy? You think we're happy?! You're stressed, you think we're not?! Doesn't make sense at all! If you can be stressed hearing quarrels amongst ourselves and you're not even involved, you think we don't feel the same way?! Yours is much worst, i promise. What the hell luh, we don't care anymore you know? Do whatever you want.. just don't pick up sharp objects or whatever, how is it going to solve the problem? You think this is so fun is it? We don't find it fun ok.. if this were to happen again and again, and you don't even think or consider our feelings, you shouldn't have gun shot us. Seriously. You might not think you're unreasonable, but we can't voice it out cause you don't agree. Just think it through, no one is right all the time. Admit to your mistakes, don't always think you've no mistakes. Mistakes exist is each and everyones' lives. Just end this fucking thing alright, it's not some childs' play and it's not some funny thing. It freaking affects us alright. You suffered, yes, but did you suffer your childhood? Even if you did, did you suffer it in the same way? NO. You guys have completely destroyed 4 childhood lives. Even if you don't think this way, it's a fact. You guys don't know how we feel, you guys only care about how you yourself feel. So you think it's fair? So you think you're not being unreasonable? When we say something is unreasonable, you come down on us indirectly forcing us to tell you you're not unreasonable. You think you're right in all ways, you're both at fault.. no one is right and no one is wrong. It is just fucking unfair to us, but you don't think so. Yes, you provide for us.. it's your duty since you made that decision. If you were unwilling and will use this on us whenever this happens, you should have just sent us to the orphanage. At least we don't have to suffer all these crap. 4 of us don't give a damn anymore, i will tear only because of stress and only because there's nothing else i can do but vent out this way. If i voice my opinion, you will come down on me again. Whatever fuck it is luh, just end this fucking thing ok?! This is fucking irritating i can't tolerate it anymore. If you can't, what makes you think we can?

My life is just so fucking screwed up. I NEED PEACE.
FUCKERS HAVE TO LEARN TO LEAVE!!! I DON'T NEED FUCKERS IN MY LIFE BECAUSE IT'S FUCKING IRRITATING TO HAVE FUCKERS AROUND YOU. FUCK OFF!!! I DON'T FUCKING NEED YOU IN MY LIFE!!!

8days car boot sale!

Sat went for tuition at around 3pm.. then went with Elizabeth and Meiling to look out for the next gathering location they're planning. Not really going to be involved cos of school work. yupp. Nth much happened lor.. boring life :(

Sunday came!! woke up at 10plus.. then prepared to go out for the 8days car boot sale at big splash! didn't bring camera.. nvr brought camera with me ever since my mum's camera became sot. LOL! Elvin donated a koala, jacket and a pair of shoes. Audrey bought the koala at $5 and the other 2 items are at slient bidding starting from $100 each :O good to see Elvin again! can't wait for 18th dec to come.. hope i can bring a camera this time so i don't have to borrow ppl's cam :/ and my phone is useless cos it has no flash and no zoom =.=
Here are some pics Xueting sent me :)

After that went to meet Rah at far east.. cos i didn't feel like going home so early :/ then she ate from "full house", it's something like hong kong cafe.. yupp. not bad luh.. she ate wanton and i ate 2, heh^^ went over to "SLICE" and i tried a new flavour, nice! :) then went upstairs to eat chicken rice.. LOL! i added too much chilli, it was so freaking spicy! :/ nvm.. walked over to taka cos Rah felt like reading. She bought twilight and i bought this giant sudoku book with 1000puzzles in it. It was rather cheap so decided to buy :D it was like $18.05? some other books with like 201puzzles cost $10.59 =.= so it's counted cheap isn't it? ;D and wth!! Jiaxi tagged on his blog that he was at taka shopping with his bro and mum YESTERDAY! why i nvr bump into him :(

Woke up at 9plus today cos my alarm kept ringing, but keep going back to sleep cos i slept at 5am this morning =.= Supposed to meet Rah, Amigo and Elizabeth for ktv at 10.30 but the whole thing was cancelled cos it was freaking raining :( Nvm lor.. another time with better weather. haix.. now i feel like drinking bubble tea from KOI Cafe. maybe i'll go over to toa payoh l8r :)

happy birthday the twins!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY JIAXI AND CHENGXI! :D
yeap! wanna wish Jiaxi and Chengxi a very happy birthday and may all their wishes come true. :)
next, my internet was down so i couldn't come online and now i wanna update alot.. so prepare for this long post.

Jiaxi's gathering photos!! not all..

Went to 1PR class reunion at island creamery yesterday.. nice meeting ms Chong again! She's married and hopes to have a baby :) Chit Chat for a while, then ms Chong wanted to go back to school. Took a grp pic then left for home and prepared to go out for lunch with my family! Went to novena square 2 and ate at old Hong Kong, level 2. The food there is nice!! but the shark's fin tasted wierd yesterday :/ The avocado desert was good! i have a pic!!

-pic not uploaded-

Waited till my dad and his friends finished chatting the left to united square mcdonals for Chengxi's mini gathering.. go down a while lor.. yupp. Left at arnd 5.30 after taking grp pic with Jiaxi and Chengxi. Here are the pics :)

i was the photographer! :)
Jiaxi was the photographer! :)

Chengxi was the photographer! :)
LOL!!

-another pic not uploaded-

Sent them off then took train to cine to meet Rah after her work.. met Grace too :) good to see her again after so long.. i was like super early so i went to Craftinbox to look at the designs first. Rah was late today.. haha so rare man :P Grace came earlier than her. hehe^^ Had pasta mania and the cook wasn't rlly good :/ then they had some banana pizza desert from pasta mania too. Walked over to far east cos Rah needed to buy new shoes. LOL!! *something happened :P* then went over to "SLICE" and Rah ate her mango ice again. I didn't eat cos i didn't feel like eating :/ left for home after that.. and in the train we were laughing really hard. there was this couple, and the guy put his hand on the girl's thigh but the girl shifted his hand to the butt. like wth =.= i took a pic.. it was so funny!! should have video-ed cos he was patting her butt.. LOL! ok nvm.. stupid Rah, 没有形象on the train. HAHA!! here's the photo:

-pic not uploaded-


ok! going off now, actually there's more to update but i can't rmb.. and my stupid internet is like on and off, my msn keeps signing out on its own.. irritating! :(

Jiaxi's gathering

JIAXI'S BIRTHDAY GATHERING


yeap! today was the gathering! :D nice seeing Jiaxi again after SO LONG ^^ was kinda fun i guess? hehe.. i hope it is. i can't say much luh.. cos i had a share in organising :P everything went smoothly and i'm glad with it. Had feedbacks that it was fun and good.. thanks! :) But i'm sure there's room for improvement right? must tell me ok! :D Really glad that things turned out fine and everyone had fun, or should i say most? :/ HAHA!! some time in between i wanted to go toilet then Rah came out with me.. then something happen till we laugh like mad. Rah still threaten me wan tell Jiaxi :/ CANNOT AH!! RAH CANNOT TELL AH!! :P between both of us only ok?! :D TY!! ^^

Of course, made new friends and found some quite 谈得来的, like stephanie. hehe^^ Wanna say thanks to those who made it a point to come down and celebrate Jiaxi's birthday for him ok! :D Really, without you guys the gathering wouldn't have been a success! Thanks alot! Hope you guys didn't regret coming ok? :D and hope you guys enjoyed to the fullest! Also, wanna thank Jiaxi for sacrificing his sleep and coming down for the gathering. Without him, this gathering wouldn't have been a success too! So, i wanna thank all who was present at the gathering today! :D Thanks a million!!

Hope this gathering is an unforgettable one ok?! :D

Didn't bring camera today so i only have some pictures that Rah sent me. The others, have to wait :)

Some that i took with my dears! The group photo and the photo i take with Jiaxi i'll post up when i get them ok? :)

going to sleep soon.. slept at 5am and woke up at 7plus am.. getting tired after a long fun day. GD NIGHT!

slice

Rah FINALLY decided to send me the pic she took of me eating the desert from "SLICE". i've been waiting!!! hehe^^ she's in a good mood today so decided to send me. TYTY!!

anw, today woke up at 10plus then came up to use my laptop. Watched my really really old drama till about 12 then received a msg from Rah say meet @ 1.30pm instead of 1pm. so ok lor.. continue watching my drama till i decided to leave house and walk to newton mrt, my dad ask me go down eat :/ so i was late AGAIN :( so sorry! i was waiting for my mummy to go to the supermarket after that to get the fried rice ingredients for tomorrow. anw, when we were at the counter my mum suan-ed Minghui! :D WHEE! I LOVE MUMMY! :D i can't rmb exactly what she said but it was super funny Rah and I kept laughing. Came home after that and slacked awhile, see Chris film his new show's advert downstairs then came up to wait till 5pm. So while slacking, watched my drama again :) hehe^^ left for novena to collect the b'dae present for Jiaxi. SO SCREWED :( i think it's super ugly i don't even feel like giving him :/ sigh..

anw, came home at around 8plus cos there was prayers :) then here i am now.. and i still have to go do things for tomorrow. bye!

I LOVE THIS PIC THOUGH IT'S BLUR.. I JUST LIKE IT :D

Jiaxi's gathering tomorrow :) been some time since i last saw him...

omg random, but I LOVE BABIES!!! :D

happy and sad

RAH = CLOWN for today :)

sigh.. still kinda moody cause of _______. ok whatever =.= i'm kinda happy today too :)


was about to leave house with mum then my dad said he needed the car.. so ok lor, in the end didn't go out till 3plus 4pm. went to meet my dad & mum's friend and her daughter, who is also my friend @ taka :) ok long winded, aiyah i just felt like typing that way :P we were there earlier than them, so we roamed around, and i made my mum buy me LOTS OF FOOD :) fattening :/ bought bread from four leaves then i made my mum buy me more food from Tori-Q ^^ then i kept telling her that i wanted hokaido ice cream, hahas :) then she said i have to 忍 and she reminded me that i'm fat, which is true :( so fine, we ate our tart and i ate my Tori-Q while we waited for our friends to come :) while waiting, i msged Rah to ask her if she wanna meet after work cos i felt like eating desert from "SLICE", so yeap we arranged to meet at around 6.30pm. met our friends at singtel cos my friend wanted her plan changed.. she has the same plan as me, student plan. but cos she exceeded by A BIT and her dad wanted her plan changed :/ man.. i bet i exceeded more. heh O_o she exceeds less than $10 a month.. and i can exceed from $30+ plan until $50+.. ok right, that was like once :/ anw, after staying in singtel for so long, she didn't change plan.. cos everyweek the phone on promotion is different and this week's happen to be the same phone she's using now, so they didn't wanna change. lols. so we left the shop and i still bugged my mum for hokaido ice cream. so obviously i got it! :D i bought double scoop somemore O_o i shared ok! but my mum only took abit... ok right, i bet i put on 5kg today.. i ate SOOO MUCH :/ anw, after that my driver came to pick them up and i headed for cine on my own. i wasn't late! duh.. i was at taka =.= and they left at like 5.47 or something, i had tons of time till 6.30. then i msged Rah to assure her i won't be late cos i was already walking over. LOL :)

Rah super funny today i swear. man.. CLOWN, and she agrees she's the clown of the day :) anw, i called her at 5.48 according to her but according to my memory it was 5.51 cos i told her there's still 9min till she off work. ok lame =.= then she say i call at the wrong time, ok lor.. i didn't know her boss same office also mah :/ sorry :( anw, dunno what time she came then she wanted to collect her order from one of the pushcart stalls in cine, but it wasn't ready yet so we went down and she had her sprite float and i had this pink panther drink (it's guava with aloe vera). yupp. then Ming Hui and JS came @ 7plus then chat for awhile and headed for pasta mania. the 3 of them had their dinner and i just sat there and stone =.= chat alot of crap, Rah was seriously a clown laughing like mad. she made me laugh so much making me think of sam's expression.. laugh until stomachache luh :/ anw, headed for far east after that cos i wanted desert from "SLICE" remember :) on the way we saw yanyan aka liang yi.. she's still as shuai qi and nice, Rah chat with her a bit and we all took pic with her, yupp :) i tried a different flavour this time at "SLICE", had blueberries but very very little :( not bad luh yupp. i'll try another flavour nxt time. hahas. anw, crapped alot as usual, Rah tried making me laugh again but obviously getting tired alr luh! :P left the shop at 10plus then headed for the mrt and home. and now i'm here blogging as my eyes are closing. getting tired and going to sleep soon bah. yupp.

wanna thank Rah for making my day more happy today :)
Ming Hui was so lame and crappy, say what he got 2 lions on his shirt =.= [and he said i look like banana!! cos i was wearing yellow :(]
JS joined in the fun too ;)

it's suppose to end

IT HAS NEVER HEALED,

AND IT NEVER WILL

wtf luh.. over means over already right?! why must it always be like that?! so you think you both have enough then we don't have enough luh huh?! we're suffering more than you guys ok, if you didn't know =.= you guys think you're stressed, you think we're not?! you say you have enough of each other, so you think we don't think it's freaking enough?! you think we want this to happen all the time?! you know how irritating it is?!!!!! argh!! i don't even bother you guys with the slightest thing that happens to me, why do you guys have to be like that all the time?! have you ever wondered why we're always like that? there's always a reason behind something, and i guess this time the reason is you. wtf luh! this is freaking enough ok! we've grown up, yes.. but have you ever wondered? are we old enough to support ourselves just yet? maybe, maybe not. can you guys stop being so stubborn and childish (sometimes)? it's not the freaking way to behave ok! because of the slightest matter this happen, so you think it's a game right?! we don't think so. when these happens, we become your messenger.. hello?!! can you think of how people will feel? you people raise your voices as and when you like, when we do the same thing.. you scream at us saying your head is spinning upon hearing these. so you think we don't feel the same?! don't only think about yourselves luh.. you guys just deny how you feel, you guys don't know the tone you put in when you speak, and all these affects the freaking situation don't you know???!!!!! aggrevate the problem, go ahead man.. sometimes i just feel like giving up already. but it just affects our feelings you know?! it just boils down to one thing: you guys don't care how we feel, you just go along with what you're thinking. you guys think you're right, you guys always think the other party is wrong. so you think it's going to work out like that?! it's not you know, it's making things worse. you guys want people to understand you, but you don't understand people! how're you going to make communication work like that?! you guys know the other party's character, but you just don't wish to give in. yes, the other party may have just gone overboard, but do you guys have to raise your voice to make the situation worse?! have you ever thought of that?! you guys always think that you're right, but hello?! others have their own point of view and their own stand. how can you just think that way?! it hurts, it really does. my heart has never healed, it has been broken into a million pieces ever since at least 5 years back. it has always stayed that way.. and i don't think it'll ever heal. these are supposed to have ended, but it hasn't. why?! why is it this way. why can't things turn out to be better. it's time to end, it's really time.
放弃的念头一直存在，面对的时候却放不下。
提心吊胆地过着每一秒，一听到响亮声就害怕，
这样痛苦的日子好难过。。。
心死了，再也没办法救活。


*也许明天就不在了*

yesterday

oh yes! a little update about yesterday. woke up kinda early then left for salon at around 11.30 then went to meet Rah at cine. reached at about 1.57.. not 2pm yet ok! lols.. we were supposed to meet at 1.30pm :/ heh.. paiseh Rah! :P walked around, Rah wanted to collect something but the push cart stall wasn't open. so we went to eat some jap food before walking over to far east when it started to drizzle =.= gosh! the weather sucked.. it was drizzling yet warm :/ and everyone were squeezing under the shelter outside lucky plaza and we had to walk through there.. it was freaking sucky! hahas went to far east and ate from the "SLICE" shop... not bad, will go back for more dessert :) didn't take photo of the dessert cos i forgot :P Rah took pictures of me with her phone! but she don't wanna send me.. RAH READ THIS: YOU SO BAD LUH!! BETTER SEND ME THAT PHOTO OK! I WANT! :D THANKS!!! ^^ hahas.. Rah you better send me.. ily! :D

anw, went over to mediacorp for the 45th anniversary programme. yeap! saw Elvin again :D yay! hahas.. but didn't manage to take pic with him cos he didn't stop his car, cos he didn't see us there thanks to his black window =.= stupid sponsors!! nvm nvm.. nxt time we'll stand infront of his car! wahahah! :D can't wait for gathering. yeap! Jiaxi's gathering is this coming sunday.. wheee.. so long nvr see him alr. i'm not good at this, and it's my first time.. hope they'll all have fun! :)

PASSED! :D

omg i passed re-exams!! so happy :D but argh, A.Tan say i borderline pass only.. and if i don't do well for progressive test they might ask me to retain =.= whatever can.. pek chek, so happy come spoil my mood like that. ZzZ whatever already luh.. i'm still going to be HAPPY! :D
post again l8r.. bye!

The 1st Shop of Coffee Prince

COFFEE PRINCE!


Aish! Just finished watching a kinda old show: The 1st Shop of Coffee Prince, Korean drama. ARGH!! i was waiting for the story to end, to see what will happen.. and now it's just so argh that it has ended =.= AHHH!! Why wasn't it longer? grrr.. it's nice! and..... sad :( ahh whatever.. i'm going to watch it again, but not now :) 17 episodes is so short.. singapore shows have at least 20episodes!! but guess what? They took like 5months + ? days to complete filming. lols.. fans surrounded the filming location luh =.= AH!! Eun Chan is seriously cute.. but she's a girl =.= ahh whatever.. i'm so into this show i'm going mad it has ended. ok.. going off to watch other dramas!



signing off this lame and not lame post =.=
bye!